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In Your Language

Saturday, 22 August 2015

The Benifits of Unforgiveness

Courtesy Bobby Dombrowski 2004

Forgiveness is a theme that has been spoken of many times.
It has been turned inside out, mulled upon, and deconstructed yet it remains a sensitive area to handle. The word itself invokes many a person to fortify a wall inside of themselves that is by far stronger in make than the Great Wall China, more rooted than the largest tree in the Amazon rainforest, and more harmful than any biological weapon that any country of this world can develop.

As a result of this, it seemed more reasonable to speak on unforgiveness, a term that lends itself continuously to a negative connotation and harsh criticisms because of the virtues of its counterpart.  As a result the unforgiving lifestyle has suffered as many gurus, ministers as well as psychologists, refuse to acknowledge that this decisive action too has its benefits.

1.  Unforgiveness allows you to be certain of yourself. 
You are certain that you hold a deeply seated dislike, hatred, or even loathing towards an individual whether he or she is aware of it or not, and no matter what that person says or does, you are sure that this person lacks the ability to change. Therefore, you are free to treat them as badly as you see fit, and are blameless when you do,  because no matter what, whatever vengeance you choose to exact will never be as bad as the person they are, or as evil as what they have done to you. This of course, may not be limited to one person, but many people in your life may fall within this bracket.

Courtesy Iuriatan Felipe Muniz 2006

2. Unforgiveness enables you to be strong

For the amount of suffering you may have endured during your lifetime, as long or as short as it may be, unforgiveness has provided you with resilience.  You don’t forget and you never pardon, and that has protected you from ever being weakened to the point that you would ever trust anyone again with your feelings, or your time. You’ve found it best to avoid people. If deciding to engage in interaction or relationship building of any kind, you always leave a wider room for error than others, because many people are just mistakes waiting to happen, or problem causers, hence,  by isolating, and protecting yourself from any possible attack, you’ve been able to stand strong despite the inevitable loneliness.

3. Since you never forget you always remember

Unforgiveness provides you with memories of circumstances, actions, words, and places, which you will hold on to for the rest of your life. You are able to conjure up a memory as if it was yesterday, at any hour of the day, or night.  Since you’ve become so good at this practice, sometimes without even meaning to, your mind allows a hurtful, bothersome, or painful item to resurface at any moment, reminding you that letting go can never be an option.

Courtesy Gabriella Fabri 2012

4. Unforgiveness does not discriminate

In this world where so many things are picked a part, separated and categorized. Unforgiveness is unique. It doesn’t care about the intensity of the offense, the circumstance, or the person/s in question. Unforgiveness is distributed equally amongst all offenders. You need not worry about whether it was hurtful words or actions. Unforgiveness will equally obliterate all transgressors in the same decisive and vengeful way.

5. The ability to pass on the lifestyle

The strength and veracity that unforgiveness has provided you with, has in turn enabled you to share the way you truly feel with those closest to you both knowingly and unknowingly, and has provided a way for the younger generation, whom you interact with or probably raise to observe the benefits of unforgiveness.  They in turn will be able to pass those learnt behavioural cues to their own children or loved ones as they grow, or as it were, back to you.
Courtesy Luis Flores 2005

6. Unforgiveness is the ultimate verification of perfection

Now this last benefit may sound strange, but when you consider it, it really isn’t. Unforgiveness allows you to be the ultimate judge and jury of a person’s actions, and in standing firm in it, it absolves your own need to form a part of the forgiven. This is because as an unforgiver, you will never need forgiveness; simply because you know with certainty you will never do or say anything similar to those you hold accountable for their own inexcusable actions. 

Unforgiveness absolves.

Courtesy Carlos J. de Jimenez

Of course to understand these six important benefits it is important that one keeps an open mind, and admittedly, in order to write this, that is exactly what I had to do, being a forgiven person myself, and also an activist of forgiveness. 

However, in life I have learnt that in certain circumstances in order to be truly mindful, it is important to understand the motivation and angles of any given behavior or lifestyle.  Hopefully, this will enlighten many as it has my own mind, on the benefits of unforgiveness.

What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below.

© Kehjrah Simone  2015

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