Courtesy Mario Alberto Magallanes Trejo
The human experience is one that is filled with error, we are not perfect beings, quite far from it and at times the mistakes we make can destroy the trust we’ve built for our loved ones, whether that be a family member, a husband or wife, or a friend who has stuck with us through the best or the worst of times.
While the outcome cannot be determined to be
favourable, what is certain is that these ten steps will start you on the way
to being forgiven for what you‘ve done.
1. Confess Your Error
At times we tend to try to ignore our mistakes
thinking that if we look away from it long enough it will eventually disappear. This will never work. In order to admit your
mistakes to the person or persons you have wronged, you first must be able to
acknowledge it to yourself. This is not about duty either; a way to just get it
over with and dismiss what the other person may have suffered because of it.
Confessing you error is facing your mistake, taking full responsibility for it,
accepting the consequences that it may bring, and then admitting it to those
you’ve hurt.
2. Be Sincere
Everyone makes mistakes, being a human being means
you are not exempt from doing so, however it’s the way one approaches the
admittance of an error can make or break the way the confession is received.
Being cold and distant, prideful or egotistical will not score you points by
any means. However, sincerity will, because despite the pain, and anger the
other person may feel towards you whether they say it to you or not, they will
respect your humility in leaving yourself vulnerable to be rejected for a
wrongdoing.
Courtesy Michal Zacharzewski 2007
3. Communicate Clearly
Leave no
doubts in the message you are trying to convey, not only with the words you say
but with your body language. Don’t begin
this important conversation with a closed off body language, like crossed arms
or not looking the person in the eyes.
Keep your posture open, your face serious, and your heart above all else
hopeful.
4. Do Not Justify Yourself
Justifying your actions while asking for forgiveness
is the worst thing you can possible do. It is not only dismissive of the other
person’s feeling but tends to make you look like the only victim, in a
situation where you were not. Do not make excuses for yourself, take responsibility
and forge on ahead.
Courtesy Alex Bruda 2011
5. Prove Yourself to be Truthful
Words are all the rage,
but action brings home the bacon. If you do not back your words up with
tangible and verifiable acts that show you were indeed sincere when asking for
forgiveness, you negate everything you said. Do not be that person, be better
than that. If you said it, prove to your
loved that you are committing to rebuilding their trust in you.
6. Accept the Consequences
The process of being forgiven is a not a short one,
and during the actual admittance of wrong doing, you will be massacred with
hateful words, and vile commentary that may upset you, but you will have to
understand that these words will come from a place of sadness, and deep hurt.
At times after the encounter is over, your loved one will treat you very
differently, its best to expect this, accept this, then refer back to number 5
and prove to them that you can change.
Courtesy Anders Engelbol 2007
7. Be Patient
At times we get ahead of ourselves and we think that
since we were courageous enough to ask for forgiveness, we ought to be forgiven
at the drop of a hat. It does not work this way, trust is easily broken but
takes time to build mend. The worst thing you can do is try to force a person
to forgive you when they are not yet emotionally, or mentally ready to do so.
This is where waiting comes in. Give your loved one the time they deserve to
think about the situation, and how they would like to handle it. In the
meantime refer back to number 5.
8. Take Action
The process of reflection and eventual forgiveness
takes time but in the meantime begin your evolution into the type of person you
want to be, not only for the other person but for your own well-being. Your mistake need not define your future. If
you persevere you can rise above it, never looking back or returning to it
thereby proving to both your loved one and yourself that your words were
meaningful after all. This is the most difficult step of all believe it or not,
but in the end your actions after the fact will be both your judge and jury.
Courtesy Ting Ting Koay 2004
9. Renewing Contact
It is important not to go overboard on this one.
Giving the person time is necessary but it also is necessary to ensure that
your loved one is still aware that you are committed to a new start in the
relationship. This does not by any means involves becoming clingy and
overbearing but rather, careful, small steps should be taken to demonstrate
your love and faithfulness to the relationship. The keyword here is sensitive
baby like steps.
10. Be Yourself
Lastly, don’t become a
person who walks tiptoeing around their whole life because of mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes, it’s the way you handle them that proves at the end of
the day the type of person you truly are and the person you hope to be someday.
Never let your errors define you. Remind your loved one of the good qualities
you have, be spontaneous, and natural. Be the best version of yourself,
completely and sincerely.
I hope this article has helped someone to take the first steps towards renewing a relationship with someone they hurt. Remember forgiveness takes time, forgiveness for your wrong and your own forgiveness toward yourself.
Take care dears.
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I'd love to hear your thoughts.
© Kehjrah Simone 2015
